Insomnia?

I haven't had insomnia in ages, but if you could check the time of this post you'd note that either I'm taking a very ambitious and optimistic line on Tuesday or I'm awake at a simply stupid hour of the day.

Seriously, I was only vaguely aware that a 4:30 AM even existed. I thought maybe it was a story concocted to frighten children, like the chupecabra or libertarians.

I'd like to think I'm awake because of excitement over either my job search or my burgeoning romantic life, but if I'm honest, I think the positive developments in both those areas would lull me to sleep like a big somnolent baby. I haven't a clue why I'm still awake.

Sure, some of you will say, why did you wash down a pitcher of margaritas with a latte at 10:00 PM? To you I say, "for America!" Also, "hush. No one likes a smart alec."

Actually, I won't take any guff about my eating habits, since I learned today, after swanning around in a hot tub at the Marriott where my friend is staying and then using their balance scale, that my curious "unemployment diet", which seems to include incautious beverage choices and a plenitude of cheese sandwiches at irregular hours, is causing me to lose weight. I'm back down to what I weighed in college, so that's fun.

Maybe my weight has tricked my brain into keeping college hours, which I recall totally sucked.

Anyway, I've put the "bonus" awake-time to marginal use by killing a (preposterously large) cave cricket. The trick, it turns out, is to move slowly, not quickly - just like the knife fights in the confusing movie adaptation of Dune where Captain Picard tries to teach Kyle MacLachlin to kill Sting in slo-mo and a floating dirigible of a fat dude with weeping sores gives me nightmares for a week (0r something). You know the one.

In cricket updates, I'm becoming inured to the horrible little bastards ... though I still kill them with a distressing relish, considering their only crime is being frankly hideous.

Don't give me that look! I was unpopular in high school too, so don't you dare go taking the side of the ugly misunderstood crickets. If there were goth emo stoners lurching around your basement in the middle of the night, hiding under the fridge, and leaping at you when you went to take a slash, you'd whack them with rolled up copies of Rolling Stone too, whether you listen to Tool or not. I'm fairly certain Robert Smith would approve. Morrissey of course would be disdainful and quietly maudlin about it.

Okay, I'm going to try this whole sleeping thing again.