Digits

I met someone at a bar tonight, and I kind of have a crush.

For this to make sense as a blog post, you have to understand that I'm terrible, like apocalyptically terrible, at picking people up at bars ... or clubs ... or, well let's not varnish a turd, anywhere. I'm awful at it. There are middle-schoolers with more game than yours truly. I'm fine in a relationship, and I'm not awful at meeting or even attracting women, but I'm more of the friend-of-a-friend, someone-you-know-from-a-group, kind of guy. I fail at bars.

That's a large part of why I met this woman through the happy expedient of finding my friend talking to her and her buddy when I returned from buying said friend and myself drinks at the bar of a hip D.C. establishment. She'd struck up a conversation with two women standing nearby and was engaged in a lively conversation. I was in awe. Surely it's not that easy. What does one open with? That's not even the set-up for a joke. I suck at this.

No joke, I'm congenitally awful at this game and lack any sort of meaningful practice.

I'd heard that women make the best wing-men and sort of stored it away academically, like the fact that the temperature of the Sun's surface is 5,778 Kelvin, but now I can confirm they are at least WAY better than I am. Which is sort of like being able to dunk over Vern Troyer, but whatever.

We four chatted, and then I found myself having a side-conversation with just one of these delightful women. I'd known going in that she was stylish and attractive, but she turned out to be funny, thoughtful, and smart as well. We talked about the law (her vocation), Hannah Arendt and her observations of the banality of evil at Eichmann's trial in Jerusalem (like you do; shut up!), Roller-derby, and emotional manipulation (because I'm awesome at flirting at bars, as I've already made abundantly clear). I managed not to overhype myself as I'm aware some guys do, nor to say anything too goddawful stupid - a pitfall for me at the best of times.

The feedback was good, with the proper looks, the appropriate laughs, the slightly-too-slowly-averted eyes and so forth.

So when it came time to go, I understand you're supposed to ask for a number or something? Did I, you might ask. To which I have to ask, have you not been paying attention? No. Of course I didn't. I'm a goddamned monkey. Did she follow us out and give it to me anyway? Yes, yes she did. Thank Christ.

Now I have to find a way to tell her I have no job, or I guess, find a job. And before you chime in with helpful/hurtful advice, let me agree that with that first paycheck from my new job I should and will buy myself some goddamn balls.

Anyway, the other important part of this post for those who know me is that I have a legit crush and attraction to this woman I just met.

I was actually wondering recently why I haven't had a really crazy crush for a long while (because actually I am neurotic ... and a girl). Part of it has to do with who I've met, but I think really it comes down to this: It's hard to have a crush on someone you know too well. When you meet people through friends you often know too much about them.

The crush, in many ways, is you projecting your idealized version of someone onto a relatively blank canvas and getting psyched. If you already know them too well you can't get too excited because you already know they hate the poor or were confused by The Usual Suspects or believe in astrology or whatever.

Anyway, I'm psyched at the very least for the crush while it lasts. As for "next steps", I believe I'm supposed to call her and propose a sensible date or something.

I'm fucked.