Yoga

It's taken me longer to get to yoga than might be expected by those who know me.

Friends might reasonably expect me to take to it the way I did with Tai Chi, hackey-sack, volleyball, gymnastics, Kali, ultimate or any of the other left of center sports I've enjoyed over the years. Obviously, I've never been one to stick to sports that present as particularly masculine. I did volleyball and gymnastics in high school followed by intramural crocheting and varsity menses in college. In one indelible memory from grad school, I experienced a bright moment of lucidity while enjoying the crap out of a gift from my sister (a subscription to Bon Apetit - manly!). A terrifying certainty came upon me that I had to go immediately to the local kickboxing gym and man up a little. I don't really subscribe to sticking to appropriately gender-rolled sports since I think you should play whatever's fun. Still, I think it's good to play both sides of the divide for balance's sake.

So, yoga's a little feminine, true but I think the real issue is that it's extremely hippie. The physical element is demanding, but not nearly so much as keeping my smart mouth shut when people ask me to thank the universe or open a third eye. Also, and this can't be stressed enough. I'm not flexible and was quite fearful about yoga.

A few years ago I ran afoul of a friendly but dumb karate instructor at a dojo in NYC. He "helped" me with my stretching to the point where I felt a sort of disconcerting twang from my groin and continue to be essentially unable to separate my legs beyond about 80 degrees, side to side. This wouldn't be a big issue in my life except that I really do like kickboxing and it's tough to practice Muay Thai if you can only kick your opposite from the knee down.

Anyway, I picked up yoga about three months ago when a friend of my girlfriend suggested she and her boyfriend go with me and my gal to yoga together before brunch. I can't make enough jokes about my yuppie life here, so go ahead and insert your own. Based on the setup, it's structurally impossible for any of them to be over the line - by all means, use the comments.

So that's how I got started. I quickly learned that I'm unusual at yoga. I can't, for instance, sit comfortably cross-legged on the floor (very rudimentary for most yogis), but I can do a handstand, bow pose (bridge), or crow pose. These are very rudimentary for gymnasts. In fact, the crow pose wasn't called either yoga or gymnastics by my gymnastics team members; it was called "fucking around" and was kind of a trifle.

So what happens sometimes in class is that we start off doing stuff that I'm okay at - forward stretches and such, transition into difficult stuff that I'm great at, and end with cool-down poses that I fucking gasp and cry at. I'm a yoga idiot savant.

Recently however, I've been moving just toward the idiot end of the scale. I think, sadly, that I may have to start stretching before yoga. That began as a bon mot but may shortly become my life. Somewhere along the line I seem to have pulled the entire right side of my ass, which limits mobility somewhat. I was hoping yoga would help me strengthen the appropriate accessory muscles and loosen up the rest, but what I think it's done is to convince me I need physical therapy.