Friday, February 5, 2010

The snowpocalypse is upon us!!!! Day 1

It's going to snow in D.C.

Let that sink in for a sec ... now do what comes naturally:

RUN!!!!! Or, if you like, check out this link for tips on how to handle the snow in D.C.

Anyway, this is my journal of these trying times. For posterity. In case I don't come through the other side.

We have only ourselves to blame, as Fallwell will no doubt remind us later. The warning has been ample. We've known for days the frozen water that lives in the sky was planning an attack. As early as yesterday the grocery stores were mobbed with people stocking up in case they were TRAPPED INDOORS FOR AN ENTIRE WEEKEND!!

Luckily the government took courageous action and in an ingenious preemptive strike, planned to close and send people home well before we saw even the first snowflake. I was done with work at noon. I was already at home because I'd decided ahead of time that I would stay home in case (also because i was up late at a show). Nevertheless, the government's wise planning let me stop working at noon and start preparing for the worst.

I got a haircut. You never know how snow can change the outlook for personal grooming, so it's best not to tempt fate.

Coiffed, I slogged across half a block of concrete, through literally millimeters of snow, to the grocery store for cheese and bread, because I'm out. It was like Crate and Barrel meets Lord of the Flies. Lines of yuppies stretched down the aisles and an air of frantic anticipation stirred every sensible being to greedily clutch to themselves whatever foodstuffs might bring them any succor in the approaching blight.

I left. I'll get cheese on Monday or something. I did stop in at the local market for a turkey and Stilton sandwich though. Yummy. Still, the privation has clearly begun. They were out of raisins! A chill went through me. Barring some sort of miracle (or the fairly good possibility that my gf will find raisins on her way home) my oatmeal this weekend may be largely unadorned. The horror. The horror.

Clasping what little food I'd been able to snatch to my breast out of the fingers of fellow men made hollow and feral through anticipating their own doom, I scuttled back to my home and contemplated the horrors of facing so merciless a God as could unleash this unnatural tumult upon us. What invades my waking thoughts with nightmare is the unnatural temperature. A blizzard in such warmth defies every expectation. What sort of hurdy-gurdy blizzard is it when snow scarcely has the chance to settle before it vanishes like some phantom. My teeth are set a-chatter - though not from the cold obviously.